Once you have made the decision to get a divorce, you would need to give your spouse notice of your intention, through service. If you and your spouse have mutually agreed to the separation, then the service process should be relatively easy, with the spouse expected to sign the paperwork as an acknowledgement.
Should your spouse refuse to sign, however, you can get a third party to serve the papers. This could be the local sheriff, reliable divorce lawyers in NJ, or any other capable adult who has no vested interest in the case.
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